Stumblin' Around: Dancing WIth the Stars Performance Recap

Appearing on Dancing with the Stars has got to be a little mortifying for the "celebrities" -- they are performing in front of millions of people, doing something they are not trained at, and then on top of that, they are subjected to scathing criticism from the judges and soul-killing eliminations. Having said that, it was so much fun to watch their faces as Len chastised them for only training 13 hours a week, instead of the 19 hours last year's crew was averaging. A sheepish Ian Ziering and Joey Fatone makes me happy, what can I say?

On to the performances...

Laila and Max
I like Laila a lot -- this performance, not so much. When I think of the paso doble (and, truth be told, I don't think of it often, except when I'm watching this show...or So You Think You Can Dance) I think of Cheryl and Drew sensational "Thriller" from Season 2, or Mario and Karina's thrilling performance from last year. This paso was just, well, passable -- Laila can do better.
My Grade: 7

Apolo and Julianne
I'm not gonna lie, I totally have a crush on Apolo. He's adorable! And this waltz was impressive -- sophisticated, romantic, and even a bit fiery (for a waltz, at least). It wasn't the most elegant waltz I've ever seen on the show, but it was solid and very entertaining. I'd definitely like to see more of Apolo -- in more ways than one!
My Grade: 9

Leeza and Tony
If Apolo is this year's B-grade Mario Lopez, Leeza is this year's B-grade Lisa Rinna. Props for that body -- girl is lookin' good -- but like Lisa, while Leeza certainly tries hard, unfortunately for her her dancing looks more awkward than accomplished. After a Bottom 2 showing last week, and very low scores from the judges, Leeza is definitely in danger of elimination.
My Grade: 6

Ian and Cheryl
I really wish they would clarify how Ian earned the title of "Broadway star" -- can someone fill me in as to what show he's been in? Was there a "90210: The Musical" that I don't know about? As for the dance (to a song I had never heard before sung horribly by the band), it was solid, but I can't say I found it tremendously inspiring. Cheryl Burke, however, is always inspiring -- the girl is a star.
My Grade: 7

John and Edyta
It's a bit disorienting to see Cliff Clavin being so humorless -- he's shown glimpses of real personality this season, but tonight was pretty much a disaster. Edyta, however, was gorgeous, and showed Leeza and Laila what a female dancing the paso doble is supposed to look like. John's adorable mother will probably earn him a few votes, but truth be told, I wouldn't be sad to see him go.
My Grade: 5

Clyde and Elena
Unfortunately for Clyde, Jerry Rice and especially Emmitt Smith set the bar very high for athletes-turned-dancers. Unlike those two, not only does Clyde not having an innate sene of rythym, he also doesn't seem very into the whole competition (much to the chagrin of his partner). He didn't embarrass himself, per se, but there is just not much joy in his performance. Get this guy outta here.
My Grade: 5

Billy Ray and Karina
Ay, Karina, with the drama. Everyone on this show needs to chill out a bit -- it's Dancing with the Stars, people, not the quest for the cure for cancer. It's not hard to like Billy Ray -- he certainly is trying hard. Unfortunately, effort (or a smokin' hot partner) does not a dancer make. Stumbling all over the place, this was less a paso doble then a big, fat, sloppy mess. A charming mess, though, nonetheless.
My Grade: 6

Heather and Jonathan
Coming in to this season, I thought I couldn't care less about Heather Mills. As far as I was concerned, she was on the show simply for tabloid fodder's sake, and I had no interest in that. But I gotta say, she is amazing! I thought this was the best waltz of the night, one leg or not. Her extension was fantastic, and those spins were beautiful. And the judges are right -- her partner creates beautiful choreography and is a perfect match for her. Nice work, Heather!
My Grade: 8

Joey and Kim
Wow, it really makes me feel old that Joey Fatone has a 7-year old daughter. Wow. And Lance Bass in the audience, meaning 2/5 of 'nsync is in da house. What, Justin Timberlake was too busy to attend? I was a bit less enthused by the performance than the judges were (a 10, Carrie Ann? Really?), but there is no denying that Joey has a stronger fundamental sense of rythym and movement than any of his competitors. Due to his experience, however, I expected more.
My Grade: 8

Overall I'd say this was a pretty unexciting evening of dancing, with nary a thrilling performance in the bunch. I'd give my "best in show" honors to Apolo, with Joey a close second. As for who's gonna go, I wouldn't be surprised to see Clyde or John get the boot, but I'm predicting we've seen the last of Leeza Gibbons. Think she can convince Mary Hart to do to show next season?