Hit the Road Clyde - Dancing with the Stars Results

I've gotta admit, these days it takes me about 12 minutes to watch the Dancing with the Stars results show. I don't know, maybe I've got reality tv overload, but I'm finding it a bit hard to stomach bits like the audience reaction segment and the Jimmy Kimmell moments. If that makes me a bad blogger, so be it. I am who I am.

I released my finger from the fast forward button enough to watch Lisa Rinna give a totally adequate performance of "Roxie" from the musical Chicago. In terms of reality show-turned-Broadway stars, though, she ain't no Fantasia, I'll say that much.

And speaking of Ms. 'Tasia, Macy Gray showed up to remind us who the original squeaky voiced soulstress is, giving a strangely truncated rendition of her latest single. I love me some Macy, but this performance barely registered.

As for the elimination, it is neither a surprise nor is it disappointng to see Clyde go (I'm certainly glad it wasn't Heather who got the boot -- I've really been enjoying her performances). After Jerry Rice and Emmitt Smith, Clyde had big athletic shoes to fill, and he just didn't put in enough effort or have enough charisma to fit the bill. See ya later, Clyde.

Apolo Steals The Show: Dancing with the Stars Performances

>Every time I begin to get frustrated with some of the tedious ways American Idol is produced, Monday night rolls along and I am reminded that it could be so much worse. The production values on Dancing with the Stars are an embarrassment for any show, let alone one that rakes in as many viewers (and advertising dollars) as this one. From the "technical mishaps" (which occur every week when the camera is focused on someone and the name is off), terrible hosts (Bergeron is fine but that Samantha Harris gets on my last nerve) to the horrible band (that rendition of "Hips Don't Lie"? Really?), the way this show is produced is shameful.

Just had to get that off my chest.

On to the performances:

Ian and Cheryl
Oh Ian, don't you know that real men shimmy? I do love it when they fight on this show, I must say, and it was a little cute (just a little) that Ian was so concerned that they make up. The Broadway star (thanks Nick for the reference) shakes his hips pretty well, but the performance is kind of a mess.
My Grade: 7

Clyde and Elena
Clyde's video clip certainly didn't assuage Len's concern that Clyde isn't putting much effort into this competition. Fine, I understand honoring a prior commitment -- as far as I'm concerned, send Clyde to China for good. The guy's got no place in this competition.
My Grade: 4

Heather and Jonathan
I have a confession to make -- I kinda forgot that Heather only had one leg until about 1/2 way into her performance, that's how entertained I was. Crazy, right? That was a pretty darn good performance, slip and all. Color me impressed.
My Grade: 8

Joey and Kym
I hate Carrie Ann and Len. Joey is clearly a solid enough guy that he is not threatened to acknowledge that he and the openly gay Lance Bass are tight, and then, directly following a segment where Lance taught him how to be sexy and a dance where he lost his girl to Lance, they go and call him feminine? First of all, expect Rosie to call them homophobic on tomorrow's The View, and second of all, they are wrong. That dance was hot.
My Grade: 9

John and Edyta
Watching John dance is a little heartbreaking. He's certainly trying hard (much harder than Clyde, that's for sure), but he just isn't pulling it off. The judges clearly felt badly for their "schoolyard taunting" (good for John for calling them out on that) and overpraised him a bit. I wouldn't be surprised if he's the next to go.
My Grade: 5

Laila and Max
I kinda have a crush on Laila's husband. You gotta be a real man to be with a woman as though as Laila. The dance was solid but left me a little cold, save for that one move toward the end where she moved up the length of his body -- that was hot. Not as good as the judges said it was, but solid nonetheless.
My Grade: 8

Apolo and Julianne
Every week I like Apolo a little more and more. And is it just me, or does he keep getting cuter and cuter as well? His dancing is a bit sloppy, but he's so adorable and has such an infectious energy it is hard not to smile ear-to-ear while he's performing. And this, from an athlete! Not worthy of the not-so-elusive "three10's," but by far my favorite performance of the night.
My Grade: 9

Billy Ray and Karinna
I love Billy Ray's commitment to the show, and I love the line "this does seem like the kind of dance you would want to do in the dark". Genius. The dance however, was pretty embarrassing. It looked like he just spun around in a few circles! He was just standing there! Almost worse than Clyde, but so much more likable.
My Grade: 5

My favorite performance of the evening was definitely Apolo and Julliane, with Joey and Kym a close second. Billy Ray and Clyde tie for worst of the evening, but I'm guessing it is John who will become the first man voted off this year's show. Stay tuned for tomorrow's results show extravaganza, complete with a performance from Lisa Rinna of "Roxie" from the musical "Chicago." Should be a good time.

Stumblin' Around: Dancing WIth the Stars Performance Recap

Appearing on Dancing with the Stars has got to be a little mortifying for the "celebrities" -- they are performing in front of millions of people, doing something they are not trained at, and then on top of that, they are subjected to scathing criticism from the judges and soul-killing eliminations. Having said that, it was so much fun to watch their faces as Len chastised them for only training 13 hours a week, instead of the 19 hours last year's crew was averaging. A sheepish Ian Ziering and Joey Fatone makes me happy, what can I say?

On to the performances...

Laila and Max
I like Laila a lot -- this performance, not so much. When I think of the paso doble (and, truth be told, I don't think of it often, except when I'm watching this show...or So You Think You Can Dance) I think of Cheryl and Drew sensational "Thriller" from Season 2, or Mario and Karina's thrilling performance from last year. This paso was just, well, passable -- Laila can do better.
My Grade: 7

Apolo and Julianne
I'm not gonna lie, I totally have a crush on Apolo. He's adorable! And this waltz was impressive -- sophisticated, romantic, and even a bit fiery (for a waltz, at least). It wasn't the most elegant waltz I've ever seen on the show, but it was solid and very entertaining. I'd definitely like to see more of Apolo -- in more ways than one!
My Grade: 9

Leeza and Tony
If Apolo is this year's B-grade Mario Lopez, Leeza is this year's B-grade Lisa Rinna. Props for that body -- girl is lookin' good -- but like Lisa, while Leeza certainly tries hard, unfortunately for her her dancing looks more awkward than accomplished. After a Bottom 2 showing last week, and very low scores from the judges, Leeza is definitely in danger of elimination.
My Grade: 6

Ian and Cheryl
I really wish they would clarify how Ian earned the title of "Broadway star" -- can someone fill me in as to what show he's been in? Was there a "90210: The Musical" that I don't know about? As for the dance (to a song I had never heard before sung horribly by the band), it was solid, but I can't say I found it tremendously inspiring. Cheryl Burke, however, is always inspiring -- the girl is a star.
My Grade: 7

John and Edyta
It's a bit disorienting to see Cliff Clavin being so humorless -- he's shown glimpses of real personality this season, but tonight was pretty much a disaster. Edyta, however, was gorgeous, and showed Leeza and Laila what a female dancing the paso doble is supposed to look like. John's adorable mother will probably earn him a few votes, but truth be told, I wouldn't be sad to see him go.
My Grade: 5

Clyde and Elena
Unfortunately for Clyde, Jerry Rice and especially Emmitt Smith set the bar very high for athletes-turned-dancers. Unlike those two, not only does Clyde not having an innate sene of rythym, he also doesn't seem very into the whole competition (much to the chagrin of his partner). He didn't embarrass himself, per se, but there is just not much joy in his performance. Get this guy outta here.
My Grade: 5

Billy Ray and Karina
Ay, Karina, with the drama. Everyone on this show needs to chill out a bit -- it's Dancing with the Stars, people, not the quest for the cure for cancer. It's not hard to like Billy Ray -- he certainly is trying hard. Unfortunately, effort (or a smokin' hot partner) does not a dancer make. Stumbling all over the place, this was less a paso doble then a big, fat, sloppy mess. A charming mess, though, nonetheless.
My Grade: 6

Heather and Jonathan
Coming in to this season, I thought I couldn't care less about Heather Mills. As far as I was concerned, she was on the show simply for tabloid fodder's sake, and I had no interest in that. But I gotta say, she is amazing! I thought this was the best waltz of the night, one leg or not. Her extension was fantastic, and those spins were beautiful. And the judges are right -- her partner creates beautiful choreography and is a perfect match for her. Nice work, Heather!
My Grade: 8

Joey and Kim
Wow, it really makes me feel old that Joey Fatone has a 7-year old daughter. Wow. And Lance Bass in the audience, meaning 2/5 of 'nsync is in da house. What, Justin Timberlake was too busy to attend? I was a bit less enthused by the performance than the judges were (a 10, Carrie Ann? Really?), but there is no denying that Joey has a stronger fundamental sense of rythym and movement than any of his competitors. Due to his experience, however, I expected more.
My Grade: 8

Overall I'd say this was a pretty unexciting evening of dancing, with nary a thrilling performance in the bunch. I'd give my "best in show" honors to Apolo, with Joey a close second. As for who's gonna go, I wouldn't be surprised to see Clyde or John get the boot, but I'm predicting we've seen the last of Leeza Gibbons. Think she can convince Mary Hart to do to show next season?

Dancing with the Stars 3/26 - Where are the Cheeseballs?

Yep, it's time to check back in at Dancing with the Stars, where week 2 proved that the base level of talent is higher this year than it has been in any of the past seasons. There hasn't been a Mario or Drew Lachey level performance yet, but there is still plenty of time for Joey, Ian, Laila, or Apolo to really break out. Even Billy Ray Cyrus, definitively the weakest dancer of the bunch, could easily outperform last year's first eliminee Tucker Carlson, or even top 5 finisher Jerry Springer.

I hate Samantha Harris. She is so wooden and fake. Just had to put that out there.

Here's some thoughts on the performers:

-Wow, Apolo Anton Ono really is the surprise of the season, and a very aesthetically pleasing surprise at that! That quickstep was impressive!

-I literally could not care less about Shandi-Barbie-Beauty Queen and her smily partner. Get them out of here. Sometimes the unknown contestants end up being very entertaining, like Stacy Kiebler, who is the audience tonight. I just can't see that happening with Shandi.

-Unfortunately for Clyde Drexler, he is following in the footsteps of fellow athlete Emmett Smith, who was charming, lovable, and had a natural dancing talent. Clyde seems like a great guy, but he doesn't quite have Emmett's glow, nor his finesse around the dance floor. He certainly didn't embarrass himself, but I can't imagine he'll be following Smith and Jerry Rice into the finals.

-Happy birthday, Leeza Gibbons. Buy yourself a new set of cheekbones, didja? Good for you, you treat yourself on your birthday. Her performance is so watching-your-mom-shake-her-butt creepy that I almost have to avert my eyes. She totally got those 7's because she's turning 60. I mean, 50.

-First of all, when was Ian Ziering on Broadway? Just curious. I think at this point Cheryl Burke is as famous if not more so than Ian Ziering. There was a cover story on her today in the USA Today! As it turns out, I quite enjoyed their performance -- the choreography was great (as always), and it had a real spark to it. Good job Steve Sanders!

-Who knew Paulina Porizkova was so funny? I mean, she made me laugh out loud! It was stiff and a bit awkward, but I like her much more than Leeza Gibbons, so I hope she hangs around a little while.

-Billy Ray Cyrus is totally milking the fact that his daughter is the biggest thing in the tween set since High School Musical, but ya know what -- he's charming and his performance ain't half bad. Don't get me wrong, he's no Mario Lopez (and don't think Karina isn't thinking that as well), but he doesn't suck. Go Billy Ray.

-She's only got one leg, and she was good! Shockingly, Heather Mills was the second best female of the night. Is it possible she could transcend freak-show status in this competition and actually become a real contender? Should be fun to see.

-John Ratzenberger would love to inherit the John O'Hurley/George Hamilton spot, and he could possibly do it -- he's even got George's old partner, Edyta. He's pretty charming, and he's actually a stronger dancer than several of his competitors. Not bad, Cliff Clavin.

-Laila Ali has the deepest female voice I have ever heard. But once again, she is alllll woman on the dance floor -- and she is phenomenal! This was easily the best performance of the night, and I would say at this point Laila is the one to beat.

-I still think it's unfair Joey Fatone is in this competition, but what do ya know, I'm charmed by him once again. Sure he's a bit cheesy, but the joy he seems to be having is totally infectious, and he can really move. Plus, his Broadway experience seems to be really paying off, as he is selling what he's dancing. Nice work, Fat-One.


So there it is, my thoughts on Week 2 of Dancing with the Stars. I'm guessing Leeza's birthday will spare her another week, while Ken and Barbie are going to get sent back to the dollhouse. See ya later Shandi? We'll see tomorrow night...